Love letter
It is when
I noticed
You
The sensation of
My finger tips
The pressure
On my bladder
The oil
On my face
I noticed
You
The body that was taken
The body that was used
Invaded and drained
Used as a source of
Someone else’s power
Given back depleted
And confused
While this body is a source of power
It is not for you
This body
Belongs to me
And all the versions of me that
Live here
Even though
A part of me often
Floats
Disconnected
Like a ghost
Who haunts these halls
This translucent woman
Is the ghost of the little girl
Who had to be a woman
And that ghost
Is like
The shedding of my skin
That has since lingered
In the halls
Of my home
You see
I left that woman
There to remind me
Of the girl that still
Weeps in the attic
Stowed away
From the damage that has
Been done to my home
To our home
That ghost of a woman
Reminds me of what I have sacrificed
She roams these halls in search of jewels
Relics of my innocence
Hidden deep within these walls
Walls replicated from those that carry the
Truth
Walls that I have seen
Flicker over and over in my mind
Walls that witnessed the escape
Of the young girl
Who ran from the fearful reality
Of flesh and into her own mind
Her mind became her escape
Her escape then her home
And when her home was shaken
She frantically ran
And escaped into her attic
Locked away
Hidden and safe…
Even after years have passed
Her cries still echo through the floorboards
Reverberations felt off the walls
Bouncing off the stairs
Softening as they approach the front door
Silenced to the neighbors
And guests that peer in
From the screened off porch
Guests who are
Never truly let in
And out of my starvation
Of acceptance
Clarity and closure
I contemplate
Whether to introduce you,
My guest,
To the girl upstairs
I formulate a response in anticipation
And craft it to be an expectation
For a timeline of my healing
And so, I form the words to ask
How long you think
I should take to heal
But then my ears
Are met with the cries of that
Young girl
And I frantically grab
The words out of the air
Before they reach your ears
Because no matter what you say
It is not for you to decide
This journey of healing
Is mine to take
And I will craft it to be
A gentle stride
Through unthreatening terrain
So that the
Little girl in my attic
Knows that
There is no one to pressure
Her anymore
There is no one waiting to use
Her anymore
There is no one willing to threaten
Her anymore
There is only us
The versions of myself that
Have frozen in time
Moving and living
In different places
Of our timeless home
And so I walk up those stairs
Hands grazing the walls
Steps creaking on the floorboards
Towards the origin
Of your cries
I envelop you
In my arms
Gently and firmly
Your body convulsing
Tears flooding
Your face swollen
Body weak yet I’m
Strong in your clasp
Small arms wrapped
Around my neck
Please, I ask
Please hold these words
As I hold you
I will be here for you
As long as you need
Even though
Your tears have been questioned
In my past
And in your present
I know
I know why you’re crying
And I see your pain
I see you
And I will not leave you in your suffering
I love you
