Armor

I fall into the depths

Of the shame

That rests just below

My threshold

My mask isn’t of perfection

It is of competence

That I have this together

That you don’t have to worry about me

I’m good

I can do this assignment

I can work this job

I can get this degree

Another job

I got it

Another project

I got it

I can function

Yes

I can function

It isn’t that I’m not capable

It’s that the demons in my closet

Created from sorrow

Dressed in disgust

Wielding weapons of shame and guilt

They appear in each level

More and more

As the level builds higher in difficulty

It isn’t that my character isn’t capable

It’s that I have the difficulty on high

Sometimes I get knocked down

And have to spend time to heal

And level up

Through experience

So that I may upgrade my armor and weapons

To take on the next level

I won’t tell you about the shame that lies below

I may name it

Describe it on surface level

But I won’t describe how it torments me

Daily reminders

Of the hatred I hold

Daily affirmations

Turn from I am okay

To I hate myself

So automatic

of past

And future incidents

My mask is not just a covering

It’s my armor